The Living
by PlainJane06
Summary: Harry's having difficulty making himself happy. He has downfalls in relationships that never come to be. And has some that never were meant to be. Further in the chapters there won't be so much of Romance though..OH! And can't forget Ootp Spoilers.
1. Death

This is my first attempt to write a Harry Potter fan fiction, and post it, so I should mention I don't mind flames. Judgment is judgment. Hope you enjoy, thanks. I dont own any of the Harry Potter characters or anything of the story, thats J.k. Rowlings doings.  
  
In two days Harry would once again return to Hogwarts for another school year. But unlike all the other years he had attended the school, this year he hadn't been looking forward to it. It was a place where his despair and pain would charge at him head on like a semi truck in the middle of the night, blazing down a dark cold, lightless empty road. The Dursely family, had left Harry well enough alone after finding out about Sirius Black fully. No longer was there a lock on his bedroom door, of did his Uncle or Aunt stare at him with disgust or hate. But now Harry wished that they only would.  
  
Aunt Petunia would come upstairs to Harry's room, gently knock on the door around dinner time, and poke her head in slowly. Usually Harry would be laying on his bed staring at the ceiling, or watching the tube( a gift from Uncle Vernon).  
  
She would say, "Harry, it's erm time for dinner. Would you like to eat with us tonight, or would you rather sit up here and eat? I can bring you a plate?"  
  
Harry wouldn't even turn to her, and reply, "I'll be down in a minute to fetch my plate."  
  
She would stare at him with concerned eyes and begin to shut the door, once in her life understanding the pain that her nephew was going through. It took Petunia long enough to understand Harry's situation, and realize herself, Harry never asked to be the son of the Potters, he never asked to be hunted down by the wicked Dark Wizard of the wizard world. And he never asked to be a Wizard himself. Petunia actually looked in at her nephew once more every time she was near him and grieved for him. He was so young. He'd have to face a death once again.  
  
Harry on the other hand did not grieve for himself, and he didn't sympathize his situation. He hadn't even come to a point where he could think about it, to bring forth his acceptance, something he soon had to face. But he only stared at the ground and wished for death. For himself, so no longer would anyone around him have to suffer. What was happening was his prophecy, his darkness, his evil. No one should have to share such pure agony with him. He crossed the line by even giving them a lick of the darkness of his life. It wasn't his evil to spread around. He did know one thing though. He knew that he was going to face Voldemort head on, and when he did, he would gut the evil man of his insides. And if he did not succeed he would never beg mercy, or for death, he would simply smile into the face of him.  
On a warm afternoon, a owl swooped through Harry's bedroom window dropping a letter on a pile of unopened letters on his nightstand beside his bed. The letters were piled on top of the nightstand, pouring down onto the floor where many letter sprawled out on the blue carpet. They were all addressed to Harry Potter, from Ron, Hermione, Remus Lupin, and Dumbledore. Not a single flap of a single letter had been opened, not even the one from Hogwarts, containing the list of material that Harry would need for his sixth year at The school of witch craft and wizardry. The white bedroom room door opened slowly, but not by its owner, it was Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon. They walked qiuetly into the room, and Petunia pointed towards the pile of letters all over the floor.  
  
"He's not speaking to anyone Vernon." Petunia muttered as she placed his long knobby fingers on her chest and stood in front of his night stand.  
  
"Well, maybe he's er come to his senses. Maybe he doesn't want anything to do with that freak show." Vernon suggested as he set some letters in his lap as he sat onto Harry's bed, making it tilt dangerously in his direction.  
  
"Listen Vernon, I know how much you despise the world our nephew comes from, because darling I loath it same as you. But that world is Harry's world. His godfather died Vernon. You know how it felt when your father died when you turned 10." Petunia sighed as she took hold of her husbands large hand.  
  
"It was a nightmare." Vernon sighed looking up at the ceiling.  
  
"But its not just the letters I'm worried about, not just the way he's cutting himself off from the world. I think...I think he might be hurting himself Vernon." Petunia shuttered as she spoke these words. Remembering how Harry's sleeve had been soaked in blood when she did the laundry. But she had been to afraid to confront him.  
  
"You think he's what?!?" Vernon gasped.  
  
"I've found shirts with blood stains, and I've found first aid wrapping drenched in blood in the trash. Usually they have toilet paper wrapped well around them, but... Vernon he can't stay here. He's not happy, and he can't get happy here. I think it would be smart if we got in contact with his headmaster at school, or, or that bloody Weasely family that he likes so much. He has to get out of here." Petunia looked her husband in the eye for support. But she didn't need to he had already nodded. And looked at Hedwig. Now they had to figure out how they were going to make this work.  
  
Harry stood outside his bedroom door listening to the two talking and looked down at the ground, as he held his grocery bag full of some more first aid wrapping. They knew what he was doing to himself. And they were going to send him away. He lifted his sleeve up and looked at his arm. Deep cuts still lay upon his darker than usual skin, irritated, and red. All he could do was think about Sirius and the curtain, all he could imagine. Hermione lying lifeless on the floor. He couldn't think about Hermione. Not now. He wasn't ready to think about how he could have gotten the Wizard worlds most intelligent witch killed. He couldn't think about their deaths. But he sure could think of his own. 


	2. An unexpected appearance

Chapter Two The unexpected appearance  
  
"HARRY!!!!!" Dudley bellowed at the top of his lungs as he swung himself around the banister and up the stairs. His heavy feet caused the house to shake and echo.  
  
Harry had been sitting inside his room gently stroking Hedwig as she perched on the window sill looking as if about to depart once again. He was smiling gently at her as she hooted, finding comfort in her deep dark mysterious eyes. There he found a warmth he found no where else. Deep unconditional love.  
  
A loud bang of the door made Hedwig jump and soar out the window speeding into the open sky. Harry spun around to find Dudley standing in the door frame, with a smirk on his face, and an evil glare in his eye.  
  
"I didn't think any girl would be interested in you, you git." he eyed him, a look of disgust sweeping across his face.  
  
"What are you going on about?" Harry replied coldly, lifting himself rather quickly from the drunk beside the window sill he had been resting on, clenching his shaking fists at his sides.  
  
"There's a girl for you. On the phone, now." Dudley said starring at Harry unaffected by him. "Never thought a girl would be interested in you." he spat, as he laughed and walked out the door into his room across the hall.  
  
Harry turned and looked at the floor and unclenched his fists, and sadly looked out the window, to not find Hedwig setting on the sill. She was the only thing that kept him reasonably sane these days.  
He turned and gravely looked at the phone. He didn't know if he was ready to hear her voice again. That voice that he almost killed. The voice that her parents very possibly could've never heard again. He reached out to grab the reciever but his hand shrunk back, and he turned toward the floor and the nightstand, where the letters were scattered all over. He had only written to Lupin, just so he and the other members of the Order wouldn't get a scare and come to Privet Drive to cause a commotion. But he saw many letters from Hermione. She was the only one out of them all that still sent letters by mail. The muggle way that is. Since she was muggle born, she was more custom to doing things the muggle way. Of course Harry had never minded. But no because of this he was delayed even longer to grab a hold on the phone and speak with her. He hadn't written her all summer. What will she think of him? His heart started beating, soon he would make a move without thought. And he did. He grabbed the receiver pressed the talk button, and without even placing the piece against his ear. HE hung it up. HE saw her face once more when he placed his hand on the phone, how she looked so shocked when she got hit with the curse, and how she fell to the floor like a stiff board. He couldn't face her. But soon its assumed that he must.  
  
Harry thought to himself,  
  
God what am I doing? I can't even speak to them? They risked their lives for me time and time again, and I can't even bloody talk to Hermione? I should be genuinely appreciative of their loyalty! Shouldn't I? But it is also true that because of my naive mistake I could have gotten Hermione killed. And Ron, Neville, Luna, Ginny. I did get someone killed the. The one person I was there to save. She was right. What am I doing trying to save every damned person on this planet!? I'm only fifteen, what gives me the right, or the enough brains to try and fight off death eaters! Time and Time again I think this over. And time and time again I realize what a foll I have made myself. Snape was right, I am obsessed with my fame. That fame is what makes me try and be the hero. Damn me to hell.  
  
Harry looked towards the hall way, all of a sudden beginning to shiver, and shake. He quickly darted towards the door and shut it, feeling like his whole body was falling apart. He fell to the floor feeling a continuous pain. Everywhere it ached. Oh god, it wouldn't stop.  
  
Suddenly the phone rang. Harry looked towards it and gulped his pain and despair down and sat on the top of his bed and picked the phone up.  
  
"Hello?" he answered, feeling a little shake from his nervousness, and from his episode a minute earlier. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes when he heard Hermione.  
  
"Harry Hi. How are you?" she asked sounding a bit on edge. You could hear the cars ripping across the wet pavement on her side of the phone, and the rain pouring down.  
  
"I'm er okay, I guess. Where are you Hermione?" Harry asked, "Are you at a payphone?"  
  
"No! I'm on my cell phone, I just turned onto your street Harry. Your street is Privet Drive right?"  
  
Harry's throat tightened. She was here, only a few yards away walking towards this house that he occupied. Earlier he would have been dreading her coming, to have to see her and be reminded of her possible death last school year. But now, he jumped almost in excitement, and dropped the phone onto its cradle and darted towards his wardrobe, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. A smile crept its way onto his face, and quickly faded into a stretched look of terror. The letters were piled in front of him on the nightstand. He looked at them and quickly shoved them into the drawer so she wouldn't see. After quickly stuffing all of the un opened envelopes into the nightstand and closet he grabbed his coat from the wardrobe and ran outside to meet Hermione. He couldn't wait to see her face, it would be so refreshing. And it was.  
  
She was standing there with her phone in hand calling out to Harry who should have been on the other side of the phone to reply. She cursed at her phone, as the rain droplets coursed down her face and dripped from her soaked through head of usually large and frizzy hair. She was wearing a faded pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and tank top. But she looked like an angel from where he was standing. His jogging came to a halt when he saw her standing there in the rain. She seemed to be glowing with life.  
  
She looked up from her cell phone with an angry look on her face, her brows furrowed together and her lips in a thin line. Quickly her ridged look melted into a bright wide toothy grin and wet eyes.  
  
She cried out, "HARRY!!!" He laughed and smiled himself feeling a warmth grow inside him that he only felt when around Ron and Hermione. They were the only friend he'd ever had, and the best people he would ever meet, with even bigger and more courageous hearts than his own.  
  
HE sprinted towards her and she did, and felt like it took forever to get to her, where he wrapped his arms around her small petite waist and didn't worry about hugging her to tight, because right now the comfort and the unconditional love radiating off of her felt so perfect, so warm, and gentle. She cared so much about Harry just as everyone else did, that he could actually feel it, he hadn't been able to feel that for a long time. He'd forgotten that he could.  
  
"Harry, I was so worried about you. You never returned my letters. I didn't know what was happening, how the Dursleys were treating you.. I was so worried Harry. Don't ever to that to me again! You hear me! I never want to be so scared for you that I take four buses to get here and walk a total of 10 miles! I care about you! Don't ever scare me like this again! EVER!!" She scolded him as she held on to him tighter, and Harry smiled. He really did miss her. 


	3. Time to Go

Chapter 3 Time to go  
  
"So Harry how are you doing?" Hermione asked as she graciously sat upon the end of Harry's bed, while he took his seat at his desk, in his office chair, straightening his coat on the back of it.  
  
He looked up as a piece of soaked hair fell in front of his left eye, he smiled slightly and nodded, "I'm okay."  
  
They had returned to the house after their confrontation outside. The rain started to pour down really hard and they ran for it towards Harry's, and darted inside with a quick but awkward introduction to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, who seemed oddly delighted.  
  
Hermione smiled and shrugged slightly as she sat in Harry's room for the first time taking in how Closter phobic it made her feel. How could he live in this room all summer, it was so sad and depressing.  
  
"Why didn't you reply to my letters Harry? Did you not receive them?" she asked as she eyed Harry carefully, "I mean I don't think all of my letters could have been lost, especially through the post office.." she trailed off as Harry stared at the carpet and shook his head.  
  
"I don't know Hermione. Must be some kind of conspiracy because I haven't received a single one of your letters. If I had you would have heard from me a while ago." he smiled reassuringly.  
  
She looked him in the eye for truth of what he was talking about. And she caught what she saw as truth. That little innocent flicker in the back of his eye, catching her breath after staring into his green eyes. She blinked and looked away smiling.  
  
"I didn't think that you would purposely avoid me. That just wouldn't be Harry of you." she said as she shrugged her shoulders and smiled shyly.  
  
He chuckled at how cute she looked sitting there at the end of his bed swinging her legs, as they were hooked at her ankles, holding the end board, as she shrugged uncomfortably. He had never been attracted to Hermione or romantically interested, but she was a cute girl in her own ways, that were sometimes annoying, but cute.  
  
"So have you got all of your things ready for yet another year at the fantastic Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry?" Hermione asked jollily.  
  
"Uh.." Harry muttered as he scratched his damp head, "Not exactly, I uh, don't know if I'm actually going back this year."  
  
"Harry you know that its umm inevitable. You have to go back.. You know that." Hermione told him after she coaxed herself out of a state of silent shock. He had to go back, no buts, he had to. It was for his own sake.  
  
"I .. er... I don't know. I don't think I can. Maybe I should you know just lay low for a school year." He said, making a lame attempt to make up an excuse.  
  
"Listen, umm Harry," Hermione began a little afraid to bring this subject up. "I'm sorry that Sirius died. And I understand what a loss that it was.. Because I've been there. He was a loyal godparent to you. And he was a very honorable man, because of his courage. And with all do respect. I envied him."  
  
Harry looked up with a grave face, and stared at Hermione curiously, and confused. His eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to figure it out in his head. Hermione hated Sirius because of everything that he was, and what he stood for, and his life risking attempts to move on with life, and stay near Harry, nearly getting himself caught. And she.... envied him?  
  
"How do you envy a man you hated?" he asked coldly as he stood abruptly from his chair, and paced to the other side of the room, and leaned his back against the plain white wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, showering Hermione with a rage he had the night... the night he almost got her killed.  
  
"Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation just yet.." Hermione suggested uncomfortably as she shifted on the bed, and looked anywhere but Harry, trying to keep herself in tact.  
  
"No, I really would like to know why you use petty excuses to make me feel better. I didn't need your sympathy Hermione. I don't need anyone's damn bloody sympathy. I don't EVER want to hear you speak Sirius' s name near me! Ever! You don't have the right to." he said harshly, beginning to get even louder. "How can you envy a man you hated! All you ever did when you spoke of him was knock the way he did anything! The way he cared about me! How he treated me like my father! BUT WHAT IF I LIKED IT!!!??"  
  
"Oh Good Lord Harry! Is that what you think, you think that I feel some compassion for your pathetic story! For how you lost your parents and how your being chased by a damn wizard that wants you dead for some bloody bull shit reason, no one knows! Do you really think I give a rats ass!?!? Do you want me to say, of course I don't? Do you want me to grab my jacket and walk out that door, and not take a look back?" Hermione stormed at him. He looked even more angry as he dropped his arms and tightened his fists as he clenched them at his sides.  
  
"You don't know how it feels.." Harry sneered, "You don't have a clue what its like, to watch everyone around get hurt, or killed!"  
  
Hermione shot right up from the end of the bed and grabbed her jacket and ripped it on. And just as she took a step towards the door, she took another back, and tears started to coarse down her cheeks and she started shaking.  
  
"AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO NOT KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU CAME FROM!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN A FOSTER HOME FOR THREE YEARS!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE GOING TO A PLACE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE AND BE EXPECTED TO FIND PEACE THERE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE!!!" she cried as she shook with rage and pain.  
  
Harry's mouth fell ajar as he stared at her, for once in his life feeling worse for someone else than for himself.. She was exactly like him. And now he felt sick to his stomach for all the pain he put her through. He felt like someone hooked a hook to his stomach and now dragged him forth down a gravel road... through an eerie forest he'd never seen before, punishing him.  
  
Hermione pulled herself together, pointed her nose in the air and pulled her jacket together, and told Harry before she walked out the door,  
  
"I advice you to get it together Harry. Because you know what sometimes your story isn't the most ironic story in the book. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a man." she paused, "The man that Sirius saw in you the day you saved his life at the lake. He saw that man in you, and I envy him because he was able to love you and see you for you. He brought the best out of you Harry. I just wish sometimes that maybe I could have seen that man he taught you to become... But obviously I wont. because your to busy acting like a silly little boy."  
  
She swallowed hard and walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. From behind the door she said, "And don't worry about you books and everything, I will fetch them for you today and bring them with me to the platform tomorrow."  
  
Harry fell against the wall and slid down to the floor, burring his face in his hands. Hermione was right, about everything. But he couldn't see how she had the right to basically tell him to grow up. He grew up faster than all the rest of them had. He had to Damn it. He felt his stomach, clench, twist and turn in the most impossible ways. The pain was terrible, he doubled over in it, and the world started to spin around him. He started to feel the acid in his stomach erupt, and vomited all over the floor beside him. Suddenly his scar began to ache.  
  
It was burning in a way it had never had before. That meant voldemort was near. He started to panic, and in his state he tried to search for his trunk where his wand lay. He stood but stumbled and fell against the wardrobe, knocking his head on it hard. He fell onto his bottom and rolled over feeling his vision start to form its way into a tunnel and everything was going black. And he fell into a deep slumber.. hearing his own ragged breathing.  
  
Sorry that was so sad and dramatic...But Hermione's story will unfold a little later, don't freak just yet, I'm not going to leave that all open. And Harry, well you'll just have to see. Give me opinions.. what do you think? 


	4. Screwed up

Chapter Three How screwed up am I?  
  
Harry awoke in Bed, having a really hard time opening his eyes. His eye lids felt so heavy, as if there was paper weights stopping him from opening them. He tried looking around, but all he saw was blurry figures, and three of everything. He tried to sit up but something set its hands on him and gently pushed him back down.  
  
"That wouldn't be a very good idea, Harry." a deep voice said. Harry turned towards the figure frantically trying to make out its identity. It seemed to have a red fire ablaze its head. He knew it was a Weasley.  
  
"It's Ron."  
  
Harry was hardly effected by Ron's presence as he was with Hermione's. His head just hurt a lot more, and he felt like vomiting. What happened to him? Where was he? This room was definitely bigger and more spacious than his own.  
  
"God, what happened?" Harry asked as he felt like his head was about to unscrew itself from his neck from all the spinning it was doing.  
  
"You hit your head mate. Pretty hard at that. That's why your head hurts so bad probably. But when it comes down to your nausea. Well that's from to much blood loss." Ron said his voice faltering a little with the last part.  
  
"Uh.." Harry gaped as he stared at Ron's face, that was beginning to clear out the haze. He was shocked and frozen. He didn't know what to say.. Hey I'm sorry that I cut myself, I'll never do it again? Not really, it couldn't work like that.  
  
"Don't worry 'bout it Harry, You don't have to explain. It's not my place to ask you about that. But I hope you understand how much you may be damaging yourself.." he dragged on as he stared at the deep angry cuts that lined themselves up from Harry's wrist, up to His elbow.  
  
Harry moved his arm uncomfortably and draped it over his stomach. His arms felt like they weighed 12 tons as he pulled them from their original positions.  
  
"So, Hermione's got all of your stuff for school, you don't have to worry about it. Hopefully you'll be out of here in time to get to the Platform." Ron explained as he walked across the room, and grabbed a box from the silver tin tray, and brought it back over to Harry. It was a Chocolate Frog. Harry smiled slightly to himself, until he remembered how terrible he treated Hermione, earlier. He sighed and threw the chocolate frog onto his lap.  
  
"What is it? You don't like Chocolate now? The healer said it would make you feel better.." Ron asked a little confused, as he sat down in the big comfy chair aside Harry's bed.  
  
"Healers? Where am I?" a Just as confused Harry questioned as he looked around a little closer at everything. There were no IV's, or beeping heart monitors. But there was three goblins in the corner with terrible rashes of cat hair all over their bodies. And A woman in the corner with her hair literally sticking on end, frozen in place.  
  
"Your at St. Mungos.. Don't you recognize the place?" Ron said with a playful look on his face taking a look around, hasn't changed for centuries.  
  
Harry shook his head, sighing deeply as he began to think about Hermione. And how terrible he treated her. He had become so enraged with her, just as he had been when she tried to coax him into thinking maybe going to the department of mysteries was a trick, a trap. And because of his own big fat head, he didn't listen and only screamed at her and made her cry. When she was right all along.  
  
"What is it Harry?" Ron was sitting in the chair watching Harry as a dozen different trapped emotions etched over his pain filled face. The cut on his head, only a few inches above his eyebrow, seemed angry. Like it would hiss and come out at you with craws and dagger like teeth to tear you apart.  
  
"Oh, nothing." Harry shrugged it off, even though it was definitely not nothing. He knew that Hermione wouldn't appreciate Harry telling Ron about a secret probably no one knew except for authorities.  
  
"You sure?" Ron asked concerned. Harry nodded, and tried to sit up again, his stomach hissing and boiling inside him. He leaned over out of a his quick reaction towards Ron and vomited.  
  
"Harry!! Those are my new shoes!! YUK!!! This is disgusting!!!" Ron cried, loud enough for the whole entire hospital to hear.  
  
at the platform, Harry dragged his trunk full of supplies, clothes, and books. Hermione had left all of his materials with the Weasley's before she left the hospital. Supposedly Hermione had forgotten her cell phone in Harry's room, and came back a few minutes later to retrieve it and found Harry lying on the floor where his Aunt and Uncle hovered over him on their hands and knees. She had authorized them as they called the Weasley's, and the Weasley's got Harry to St. Mungos.  
  
Hermione knew about Harry's blood loss though, she was actually the first to know. She had informed the Weasley's about it before they took off without her. Harry didn't know what to tell Hermione when he saw her. If she would talk to him at all that is, for what he did to her, he wouldn't expect her to ever speak to him.  
  
After crossing the wall barrier Harry and Ron got all their luggage together and piled it up in the luggage compartment and went to find their own. Hermione's parents were just leaving the site of the barrier when Harry and Ron were going towards it. So Hermione had to be somewhere. They searched all the compartments for her until they came to the last one, where they found nothing but a simply empty compartment. After their failed attempt to find her they took their seats in the compartment and stared out the window.  
  
"Oh yeah! She's a Prefect remember? I forgot of course she isn't in any of the compartments!" Ron realized as he slammed his hand down on the red seat beside him.  
  
"Aren't you a Prefect Ron?" Harry questioned.  
"Ah, no. I told Dumbledore that I wasn't really cut out for it. So I had someone else replace me. Do you know who he is? Neville!" Ron explained.  
  
Harry doubled over in laughs thinking about Neville escorting the first years to their dormitories and, forgetting the password.  
  
Ron laughed as well until the door to their compartment flew open and there stood Ginny and Luna. Luna looked as bizarre as she did last year if not more. They both smiled at Harry and Ron and took their places in the compartment. Luna pulled out the Quibbler and surprisingly for the first time read it right side up.  
  
"So what did you do this summer Luna? I hardly received many owl from you." Ginny asked Luna trying to start up conversation to cut the awkward silence.  
  
"Oh that's because I was in America for most of the time. Visiting some relatives there. It was crazy there you know that? There were boys walking around with their pants all the way down to their knees their. Walking like crazy penguins. And the girls dressed in skirts that came all the way up to their butt cheeks. It was crazy really." she said in Disgust hardly looking away from the Quibbler.  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other and shrugged as they thought out how nice it probably was to the sounds of it. Girls were very flashy in America, that was a fact. Harry nor Ron would complain.  
  
Even though a conversation was going on Harry stayed out of it and only stared out the window staring off at the beautiful crimson sunset that spread its wonderful rays of lights over the green and golden earth. Of in the distance he could see a farmer pushing his herd back into the barn. The horses galloped through the open plains, with their silver reflecting manes flowing gracefully behind them, falling into their beady eyes with every stop or sharp turn they made.  
  
The birds in the sky flew with their feathers rippling in the wind, making their own shadows across the gray sky. Rain was soon to come. The clouds were hovering low near Hogwarts. It made a storm mass that Harry had never seen before. It was unusual and unexplainably amazing. The clouds seem to erupt a liquid like lava of fluffy pink clouds. A dark black barrier with silver lining.  
  
Harry smiled, remembering the beauty of this place. The incredible feeling a welcome he felt when near it. He looked down at his arms, and thought about doing it again. There would be enough privacy in the bathroom. He didn't deserve to be back here. Since the year he attended he only endangered the lives of all of his fellow classmate, friend, and even enemies. He didn't deserve a moment of hearing Ginny or Ron talking to one another or see the scenery of the magical land before him.  
  
He stood slowly to not cause attention and pulled a small case from up above him and exited slowly making sure they were still talking after he closed the door behind him.  
  
Making his way to the bathroom he passed many Prefects and nodded his head at them as they greeted him, welcoming him back. They all knew what happened last year. And he just couldn't take the fact that they were grieving for him possibly, feeling sympathetic.  
  
After shutting the door behind him and locking it securely he placed the case on the sink as he sat on the toilet after placing the lid down. He sighed and closed his eyes as he slid the zipper down opening the small leather travel kit. And inside lay his tooth brush, some toothpaste, shaving cream, first aid wrap and, his razor. He carefully pulled the razor out and set it on his black jeans. He pulled his robes of and rolled his sleeve up. Slowly he grabbed the razor and brought it to his slowly healing wounds, and cut across them opening the healing cuts and creating new one in between them.  
  
His eyes widened with shock and his lips tightened as the pain seared. Gritting his teeth he quietly hissed and sighed, out of relief. He grabbed the first aid wrap and pulled it out wrapping it tightly around his arm, so much that it was sure there would be no leaking. He slowly pulled his sleeve back down and shrugged his robe on, put his things back in the case, and looked in the mirror at his now very pale face. He was perspiring slightly by his hair line. He sucked in a breath and splashed some water on his face, feeling so weak. Just the way he wanted. 


	5. A New Year

Chapter 5  
A New Year  
  
Harry stirred in his sleep helplessly as he ran through the corridors he had been through time and time again as a nightmare. He continued to run from the black door he had once been so drawn to, but it was now only a deadly reminder of his selfish stupidity. He ran as hard and fast as he could. He could have sworn that he could feel the pain in his legs as he strained his muscles to continue running. Then he started hearing a voice calling out to him. Saying his name. He stopped and spun around looking for someone, desperately searching.  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
Harry sprung up from his bed to collide heads with Ron. Ron fell over onto the cold stone floor of the dormitories, holding his forehead in his hands, hissing, and cussing loudly at Harry.  
  
"I'm sorry mate." Harry apologized as he held his own throbbing head. He pulled his hands away to find them covered in blood. His sleeve was drenched in his own red liquid. Quickly before Ron stood up he frantically shoved it underneath the covers.  
  
"Ah, its alright, don't worry about it. You didn't mean to. You'd better get up, which I was trying to tell you. Or your going to be late for breakfast." Ron said as he rubbed his head, and started to walk back towards his own unmade bed and picked his book bag up and draped his robes over his shoulder. "Would you like me to wait for you Harry?"  
  
"No, you go ahead, I don't think I'll be going to have breakfast today." Harry said as he shrugged wanting to get Ron out of there as soon as possible so he could hide the evidence.  
  
"But the healer at St. Mungos said you NEED good healthy three times a day meals." Ron advised as he took a step backwards towards the door.  
  
"I'm just feeling a bit nauseas, I'll just make up for it at lunch."  
  
Ron nodded and walked out the door shutting it behind him. Harry waited a couple seconds to make sure he wouldn't return, and looked around the room and in the bathroom for any slackers. He hopped from bed when the coast was clear and saw that the blood had seeped through his sleeve, all over the bed and down his side onto his boxers. He quickly pulled his shirt off, gritting his teeth against the pain that prickled through his arm. He grabbed the sheets from the bed and threw them on the floor, along with his shirt, making sure no one would find it. He grabbed his wand from his trunk, and did a charm that turned the blankets to tiny fragments of ash. And he swept it under his bed.  
  
He looked down at himself to see his right side was covered in dry crisp blood, and wrap was utterly useless. He groaned and went into the bathroom to clean up. he had about an hour. And it was defiantly enough time.  
  
Down at the breakfast table, Ron jogged in before the food was served, and found a usually empty seat next to Hermione where he sat himself and his belongings beneath him, and rubbed his hands together awaiting his pancakes and sausage to appear. Which they did.  
  
Hermione turned and smiled at him, "Morning Ron!"  
  
He turned towards her and shyly smiled, "Good Morning Hermione."  
  
Looking towards her empty plate and the History of Magic book that sat on it he frowned. "You not hungry?"  
  
She shook her head and pulled a book from her robes and began to read. Ron read the front of it that was titled, "The Strangers" by Dean Koonz. He looked up at her curiously.  
  
"Whats that?" he asked. She looked towards him, with raised eyebrows and he pointed towards the book, and she smiled.  
"Oh well its a book that Luna brought back from America. She recommended I read it. And I'm glad I did, because it is absolutely amazing. Of course its a complete mockery of the magic world. Its more about chemical imbalances and brain washing. Really good though." she explained happily. Almost as if she had been dieing for someone to ask.  
  
Ron just stared at her adoringly, loving the way her face brightened up when she started to talk about the book, and how the corners of her lips twitched when she looked towards him while explaining. And he fancied her hair. It was sleek with beautiful ringlets of curls that cascaded over her shoulders. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever put his eyes upon.  
  
"Ron stop staring at me like that. It's wierd." she said as she shifted uncomfortably. The way his eyes were resting on her face was eerie yet very nice. She felt a warm sensation fill her cheeks. Then she realized she was blushing and giggled a little bit. Her eyes went wide as she realized this. She had just giggled like Lavender always did around guys. Now she was merely disgusting herself. But out of all honesty, Ron was making her feel so, nice.  
  
"I can't help it. Your just so radiant this morning." He smiled at her. Hoping so hard that she would turn his compliment down. He didn't think he could take the rejection from her. He NEEDED her to accept it. He had, had a crush on her for so long, and now he was sixteen and not as afraid to show his affections. He grew up a lot over the summer. And he wanted Hermione to see it. He couldn't hide his true feeling with childish boyish acts any longer.  
  
Hermione turned to him in shock with what he said, and her cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson and she smiled wide, though she tried to close her lips to cover her pearly tooth smile, she couldn't and she chuckled, " Why thank you, Ron. That's very flattering."  
  
He smiled as broad and wide as he could, for he was feeling the most amazing fuzzy feeling in his stomach than he ever had felt before. "Well I only speak of the truth."  
  
She turned to him and smiled and they started talking, for once they didn't argue, they sat and flattered each other with cute comments that made each other giggle, and they blushed terribly over and over again. They flirted with one another occasionally throwing in some little touches for no apparent reason. They both found something in each other that they had never seen before. Until they realized, they both grew up a lot over the summer. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Pain is Love  
  
Walking through the hallways was like, being a brand new statue it times square for Harry. Every student seemed to stare, point and whisper while around him. Giving him sad looks and smiling at him sympathetically. Harry could have spat in there face and shoved them away so easily it scared him. He hated their compassion for him, their knowing about his situation, and what danger he had achieved for himself the previous year. Like Dumbledore said in his first year when finding the sorcerers stone, it was all kept very well under wraps so naturally the whole school knew.  
  
In the library Harry studied for Potions knowing if he wanted to pursue being an Auror, he had to pass Professor Snapes class with flying colors. For some reason though, when it came to Potions Harry just didn't give a damn.  
  
"Hello Harry." a sweet voice from in front of Harry said.  
  
Harry looked up from the book and piece of parchment he had been hunched over and slid his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. In front of him stood Hermione with her books pulled close to her chest. She looked around uncomfortably and bit her lips.  
  
Then she blurted out, "Can I sit with you? All the other tables are taken, and I have to study for Ancient Runes."  
  
"Yes Hermione." Harry chuckled a bit nervously himself. "You may sit here at my table."  
  
She sat down and shifted in her seat across from him. He hadn't spoken to her or even hardly seen her since the day in his bedroom where he completely indirectly bombarded her emotional state. He still hadn't been able to apologize. And it was killing him.  
  
He nervously looked up at her after writing some notes down for a few minutes to find her burring herself into her Ancient Runes book. She had a sparkle in her eyes as she seemed terribly fascinated by the words she was reading. Harry didn't find the class very entertaining but it was a breeze.  
  
"Hermione?". Hermione lifted her head quickly towards Harry and nodded while gulping very hard, and very loudly. Harry even heard it as it echoed in her throat.  
  
"Why are you hurting yourself?" she squeezed out quickly under her voice.  
  
Harry froze in his seat. He looked around at everyone else in the library, and was relieved to find them all chatting quietly, or busy with their studies. He himself gulped nervously at Hermione's question. He felt enraged by it, and saddened at the same time. Looking back at Hermione, he saw her eyes glittering in tears, and her bottom lip trembling. Suddenly his heart lightened and then weighed back down again in guilt.  
  
"I didn't want to bring it up. I know I have no right. But I can't anymore Harry." he blubbered as she pulled her hands into her lap and looked down at them. "Why Harry?" she cried a little louder this time.  
  
Rising his head around once more he found a few on lookers looking directly at Hermione and him. He looked at Hermione and then back at them. He grabbed his bag and shoved his stuff inside it and grabbed Hermione's book at back pack as well. Hermione started to cry opening, raising her hands to her face, to hide it. Harry bent down and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders.  
  
"Come on Hermione. Let's get out of here." he coaxed her, off of the bench, and out of the library, hushing her with promises of everything being okay.  
  
Hermione buried her head into Harry's shoulder as they made their way outside, passed people who looked towards the hysterical Hermione very concerned. They made their way down towards the end of campus grounds and sat under the willow trees along side of a tiny creek. Harry set the things in the bend of the tree as they sat on the ground, along with the enormous roots.  
  
After a while Hermione stopped crying enough so she could apologize, " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break down like that."  
  
Harry shook his head and forced himself to get, "Its okay." out.  
  
"I'm.... Worried Harry. And not to mention terrified." she told him as she looked at him with her big brown eyes.  
  
He felt his stomach sink a few feet down into his legs, and suddenly he felt like he was fighting for oxygen. He bent his head and rubbed his eyes, feeling so exhausted out of the blue.  
  
"It's not very easy to explain." he said not wanting to look at her. Not wanting to see her usually at ease face, dripping with sadness.  
  
From out the corner of his eye he saw her nod her head. After a few moments of silence, Hermione started picking twigs up from the ground, and cracked them into tiny pieces.  
  
"Can I see them?" Hermione spat out.  
  
Harry turned to her shocked. Shocked by how forward she was with the question. He didn't know if he could show her. He didn't know if he'd be okay with her seeing the markings of his punishment for living in this world, and ruining the lives of the ones who truly deserved it. In the back of his head, he seemed to hate her and everyone else for not having the gift of death like he did. Either Kill or be Killed. So said the prophecy.  
  
He nodded and pulled his sleeve up reluctantly and showed her the still oozing cuts. She shrunk back when seeing the first aid bandages soaked through with blood. He squirmed in his seat a little too, feeling terrible that he showed her them before he changed the bandages. Then her bottom lip started to tremble again.  
  
"Hey, it's not that bad." Harry reassured her.  
  
She swallowed the imaginary lump in her throat and forced out, "You did it again."  
  
He nodded and closed his eyes very hard trying to imagine himself somewhere else, somewhere where he doesn't have to feel bad or hide constantly.  
  
She whispered, "Why?"  
  
Harry looked up into her eyes and shook his head, "I don't know." Feeling so disgusted with himself, not being able the give Hermione a reason for his intentional pain. A couple tears fell down her cheeks, and he felt the pain in his body from his torment hiss even louder than the pain of his arms.  
  
"It wasn't your fault Harry. It will never be your fault." she said as she slowly stood up onto her feet. She walked over to him and kneeled in front of him, taking his arm into her small hands.  
  
She leaned down and softly kissed the dry part of his arm, and touched it delicately with her hand. she looked back up into his eyes and whispered, " Your secrets are safe with me Harry. No one will know. I promise."  
  
"I know." Harry turned from her when he felt the pain in his turning stomach heave even harder against his will. He looked around for an escape and found his back pack, and lunged for it, gripping it in his fist as he stood abruptly.  
  
"I have to get back to the library soon. I have a lot of studying to do." he chuckled nervously, and turned on his heel heading towards the School Entrance.  
  
Only a few moments later, to Harry's dissatisfaction Hermione caught up to him. She shouted his name from behind him, and grabbed his shoulder. He spun around willingly and threw his back pack over his shoulder. He started to feel angry towards her for not letting it go. For not just leaving him at the side of the road, like he wanted.  
  
"I love you Harry." Hermione wheezed out after running all the way up the large hill to catch up with him.  
  
Harry stood stunned in his shoes. He wanted to run away, he wanted to take the fastest plane out of there so he didn't have to feel this. He didn't want to feel this. He started to feel like his inner organs were losing control. The pain was excruciating.  
  
"We all love you." she added. She looked so desperate. So desperate to bring him back to reality.  
  
Harry looked down at the ground and bit his lip as he felt his throat start to burn, and his nose plug up. "I love you too."  
  
She smiled at him for a moment with a high beam smile, and went to hug him, but he backed away. He started shaking his head and cursed. Then he took off towards the Hogwarts Castle, at a speed Hermione could never catch up to him in. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Occlumency Lessons  
  
One night in the great hall for dinner, Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny sat together talking about the war with Voldemort that was going on. It had said in the Newspaper that Voldemort had traveled to the United States where he had already broken into their Department of ministries, only stealing a few minor trinkets. The death Eaters had seemed to remain in Britain, getting together an army to force the Ministry down.  
  
"I wonder what his motive is?" Ginny thought aloud.  
  
Harry already knew the demons motive. To kill him. Harry was the only threat to Voldemort because of his destiny. To Kill or be Killed. Harry felt a pair of eyes boring into his scull, so he turned and found Dumbledore staring at him intensively. Harry felt his brain clench together when seeing Dumbledore staring at him the way he was, and he began to worry. Then a tap rested upon his shoulder. There he found Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?" she summoned. He nodded at her reflexively. Being her student for 6 years it was custom.  
  
What he was told that night only deepened his depressed lingering feelings. He was going to have to start Occlumency Lessons again. Remembering how terrible they effected him last time was now only another terror in his mind.  
  
HE dragged his body back to the Common Room remembering what the Professor had told him. He was a possible weapon in this war, so he had to take more precautions then the rest of the word by far. Because he may be a direct hit for Voldemort and his army to get to Dumbledore.  
  
Harry launched himself onto the sofa in the Common room of the Gryffindor tower and sighed heavily. He slipped his glasses off and closed them setting them below him on the floor. He rubbed his eyes as they ached from lack of sleep and stress. Every muscle in his body ached from all the worrying he was taking on.  
  
He looked down at his arms when getting the definite urge to lose all of his tension through blood flow. But he shoved it away like he had for the past week or so. It was getting harder everyday. He was like an addicted smoker. Might as well be, he was going to die anyways.  
  
Later on that night he ran up to the dormitory and grabbed John by the collar. He was a known trouble maker. He gave out a lot of things he shouldn't. Such as cigars, cigarettes and even condemns, things you'd of course never get from the hospital wing. He pulled him down the hall to a secluded part of the dormitory, where there was an empty dorm that was never used.  
  
"Harry wants to bum cigarettes from me?" John asked himself thinking about the outrageous situation he was finding himself in. He chuckled a little after hearing Harry's request.  
  
"Alright, alright" he said with a last chuckle, Harry handed over the money and John gave him the pack of cigarettes. "These things will kill you, you know."  
  
Harry laughed out loud himself and said, "I could only hope for that much."  
  
John gave him a weird look and exited the dorm room, heading back his own, as they both heard the prefect Neville off in the distance telling all of the boys to head to bed. Harry shoved the cigarettes into the pocket of his robe and set off to his dormitory.  
  
The next day Harry had finished his last period before lunch and headed off towards the edge of the forbidden forest with Ron, where they were going to hang out for a while, trying to get as far away from the school as possible. As Harry and Ron took their seats on a couple of medium sized stumps they laughed about Neville's encounter with Moaning Myrtle. That's when Harry pulled out his pack of cigarettes. As he pulled one out and brought it to dangle in his lips, Ron lifted his head up to see, with a disapproving face.  
  
"What are you doing Harry?" Ron asked as he stared at him.  
  
Harry looked at him and smirked, "what's it look like I'm doing?" he said as the cigarette bobbled between his lips. He lifted his wand and ignited the end.  
  
"I know what your doing! But why are you doing it?!?" he snapped as he ripped the cigarette from Harry's mouth and threw it on the ground where he heaved his foot onto it.  
  
"Hey!" Harry shouted, as he shoved Ron hard against the chest, where he stumbled back a few steps.  
  
Ron shook his head and spat, "I knew you screwed up! But bloody hell Harry, your a damn mess!"  
  
"Shut up Ron!" Harry growled at him, with anger deepening in his voice with every word.  
  
"Hermione was right, your really messed up Harry. I used to look up to you!" Ron shouted back at Harry.  
  
"well that was your mistake don't blame me for your stupidity." Harry snarled at Ron, "Now why don't you take your poor ass out of my sight before its to late."  
  
Ron was taken aback and pain glittered in his eyes until rage and fury replaced it. His eyes burned and he threw himself at Harry. They back tumbled to the ground where they rolled down the steep hill they had just climbed into the heavily populated court yard. Ron stood first and grabbed Harry by the collar, punching him directly in the mouth. Harry struggled to get to his feet but he did. He swung a heavy fist at Ron as hard as he could and shoved it into Ron's jaw.  
The next few moments were the worst moments Harry would ever experience. He saw as Ron's face flew to the right, and fell to the ground. His hands didn't go up to stop himself, he just fell. His body hit the grass with a loud thud and bounced off a little with the heavy impact. His head falling onto a sharp side of a large heavy stone, and slid to the ground. The crack of his head hitting the rock was sickening. Harry lurched forward and dove to Ron's side. He rolled Ron over and looked at his face. His head was bleeding terrible, blood oozing out at great speed, already making a homey puddle for itself on the ground beside Ron's head. On the stone beside them was a marking of Ron's blood. Harry cringed at the site of Ron's limp body. He shook him a bit to get him to stir at least. But it didn't help. Harry looked around at the helpless people frozen in place.  
  
"Go get help! NOW!" he retched out with all his might, feeling every fiber of his throat break from the dryness he was experiencing. Ron couldn't be dead. He couldn't be.  
  
Harry began to whimper quietly as he rested his bloody hand on Rons wound to stop the blood flow. A tear streamed down his cheek as he felt the pain in his stomach concur that of his bloody lip and most likely swollen black eye. He looked up to the sky and prayed.  
  
Outside of the Hospital wing, Harry sat with his face in his now dry and bloody hands. His knees supporting the weight of his elbows, he couldn't bring himself to stand from his position. He couldn't feel anything within his body. He couldn't even feel the acid in his stomach spinning and swelling. He wanted to puke and rid himself of all the guilty sickness that invaded him.  
Earlier Harry was told by Madame Pomphrey that Ron was okay, he just got knocked out by Harry. Harry had hit him so hard, he dislocated his jaw. Ron only had a minor concussion. When it came to Ron's head, that was something he'd have to go to St. Mungos hospital for. x-rays. Harry was aloud in, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't look Ron in face after doing so much damage.  
  
The door swung open and Harry stood quickly from his seat. Hermione came out from behind the door and turned to Harry a she slowly closed it gently behind her. She looked down at the ground as Harry stared at her directly.  
  
"So uh how is he?" Harry asked a little un nerved.  
  
She just stared at him and said, "He's doing better." with a blank emotionless voice. "For someone who got their jaw dislocated and having his coconut bashed, I'd say he's doing fantastic." sounding a little angry.  
  
Harry backed down into his seat where he placed his face in his hands again, his eyes burning and his throat scratching against its sides as he continually swallowed for comfort.  
  
"Harry what happened with you and Ron?" she demanded as she knelt in front of him, "Why would either one of you try and hurt each other like this!?" she paused with a slightly sadder voice added, "Your like brothers."  
  
He looked at her and shook his head, "Not anymore. Not after this."  
  
"But why did this happen?" her voice cracked as she her voice trembled.  
  
Harry swept his hand across her towards his back pack where he pulled a small pack of cigarettes out and rested them in Hermione's lap ashamed. She looked down at them, her mouth resting slightly ajar. She looked from the pack back towards him.  
  
He chuckled sadly and said, "I think I'm addicted."  
  
"Harry..." she whimpered, "why?"  
  
Harry shrugged and said, "Nothing else to live for, might as well speed up the process."  
  
Hermione's eyes watered up with tears and they began to spill over her eyelids down her cheeks leaving they're trails behind them on her pale face. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it and continued to stare at Harry.  
  
Harry swallowed the growing lump in his throat and asked, "How angry is Ron?"  
  
She looked away from him and said, "Well surprisingly enough he's not really angry Harry. He's just very confused by you. He wants to help you Harry, just like the rest of us." she looked at him a little afraid and then added, "We all know that Sirius's death was a terrible thing to happen, but we're here for you, not against you."  
  
Harry lowered his eyes at Hermione and scowled, "You don't know what it's like Hermione, You don't know what its like to be a weapon in a war, and you don't understand how. But you have to take all these precautions. You don't know what its like to know your destiny is death. Your gift is death. You don't understand that, and I hop you never will!" he cried openly, standing to his feet, backing away from her feeling his heart pounding, and beginning to panic.  
  
"What are you talking about? Gift of death?!" she started to stand up but Harry put his hand out in front of him.  
  
"No don't. Just stay away! Stay away from me!"  
  
Harry ran down the corridors as fast as he could, making sure that Hermione was far behind him, and then he snuck out the Hogwarts entrance and ran through the grounds until he reached the willow tree beside the lake. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face into his bloody lip. The salt within the tear making the cut sting with fury. He looked down into the water and looked at his reflecting as a single tear fell down his face into the calm water causing it to ripple. His eye was a terrible black and blue color yellowing at the sides. His lip was terrible, the slice seemed to go so deep you could see the insides of the skin. He was disgusted by his identity.  
Then he looked at his eyes. Those green eyes that marked his mothers presence within him, that marked his soul with love. The only reason he defeated Voldemort one time. He ripped his glasses from his face and shoved his face into the water, screaming in its icy depths. The winter had begun to take over, and he could see his hot breath in the cold air. His face shivered and he shoved his face in the water again angrily and pulled out abruptly closing his eyes tight and screaming with all his might.  
  
"I HATE BEING HARRY POTTER!!!!" he screamed. He hung his head low feeling all his energy flow away, his voice squeaked as he screamed again, "I don't want to be me anymore!"  
  
He started to cry and whimper as he covered his wet face with shaky hands, the cold air getting to him. His cries stung him deep but he didn't care. NE couldn't stop now even if he wanted to. He rested on his side and curled up into a ball, and stared straight out at the water with tears falling down his face and his lips trembling.  
  
"I'm tired of being alive anymore. I don't want to live anymore." he whispered out at the icy depths. "Why wont death overcome me. Why wont he take me away. Why do I deserve such pain?"  
  
He looked out at the lake and his eyes flashed with an idea. He continued to stare at the lack, and pulled of his heavy Hogwarts robe. His eyes were shining with madness as he neatly folded it and set it on a large stump beside him. Then he pulled his shoes of placing them beside his robes. And last but not least, he grabbed his glasses from the ground and fuzzily made his way to the lake and placed them on his face. He looked at the moon reflecting in the icing over water and let out a shaky sigh.  
  
"H-Harry?" a scared little voice from behind him sqeeked.  
  
Harry turned around slowly to come face to face with Hermione. She stepped forward and then took another step back. She looked frightened as she stared at Harry, and then looked at his nicely folded clothes. Harry watched her as she twitched in her petrified state. His stomach did a a flip flop as he watched her.  
  
"It's only for the best Hermione." he reassured her. He kept looking at her until her scared big brown eyes looked into his, he smiled slightly, "This way no one will hurt anymore, and neither will I. Don't you see Hermione. If I die no one else will. You wont get hurt anymore, and no one at Hogwarts will ever have to pay the price of going to school with me." he laughed madly, "No one will have be afraid."  
  
She just starred at him as he went on, her eyes only getting larger and fear only making itself more vivid. She then suddenly started to undo her robes. Harry watched her in confusion as he watched her pull it off and neatly place it above his belonging on the branch of the Willow tree. She then took off her shoes and un did her tie.  
  
"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry asked watching her outrageous actions. She walked up in front of him and grabbed his damp hand in her dry frosty cold one.  
  
She shook in the cold air standing before him in her black skirt and white button up shirt. Her teeth chattered as she looked up into his eyes, "If you go, I go." she gripped his hand.  
  
He shook his head violently and said, "No, your better off without Hermione, don't try and keep me here."  
  
"I'm not," she cried out desperately. "Harry if you go I might as well dive in there with you. I'm already on the list. And so is everyone who was in the department of ministries that night. Everyone. They'll come after me either way, I'm the one thing they hate! I'm a mudblood! You are our only hope of staying alive. If you were to die tonight, we'll only be following behind later."  
Harry stared at her and shook his head. He wasn't going to believe her, he wouldn't. He was the cause of everyone grief, their pain, their deaths. His own death would end all the suffering, not to mention his own. But as he looked into the lake again, he looked at his face again. A tear fell down his already tear dampened face.  
  
"You are Harry Potter." she whimpered as she looked into his eyes desperately trying to look him in the eye, and he turned to her, "You are the boy who lived."  
  
"No that's where your wrong." he cried, "I'm the boy who should have died."  
  
Hermione let a few tears slip from her eyes as she looked at his bloody lip and his black eye and shuttered.  
  
"Look at the monster I've become." he said sadly.  
  
"No, Harry." she said as she smiled. She pointed him towards the water where he looked at his reflection, "Look at the man you've become."  
  
He closed his eyes tightly remembering the day he shouted at Hermione in his bedroom. He remembered the fury he digested that day. How bad he wanted to shove her against the wall and shake her furiously until she cried.  
His stomach sunk and a fire rose his throat. He flew over onto the ground on his hands and knees fighting the urge to vomit. He began to cry openly in front of Hermione. She dropped to her knees and sat there as he cried in front of her not knowing what action to take.  
"I'm sorry Hermione, I'm so sorry." he cried as he crawled into her lap. Resting his head there. He gripped her skirt with his fists as he cried. She brought her shaky hands to his back and shoulder and eased his invisible wounds as much as she could. He cried harder, "I'm going to die Hermione.. It's my ultimate gift. Death."  
  
"what do you mean?" she asked feeling her insides strain, and her heart beat heavily and fast in her chest.  
  
"I have a prophesy. That's what the ball was of in the Ministry of Magic. It was my prophecy. I was chosen by Voldemort and I now have the scar that claims my future. Either I kill Voldemort or I die at his hands." Harry told her as he buried his face in her stomach, "I'm going to die."  
  
Hermione's eyes weld up with tears as she realized how much pain Harry had to deal with for so long. Not only the death of the only family he had left but the realization of his own. She cried with him and pulled him close to her realizing how close she was to losing her best friend. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
The sun began the rise over the horizon in front of them . The site was incredible while sitting on the edge of Hogwart's school grounds. The sun spread its magic upon the earth like a wizard and his wand.   
  
As the sun had seemed to reach its peak of beauty Hermione grabbed Harry's hand in her own as the two sat side by side, with their backs against the huge rock, in front of the lake. The sun dazzled itself in the lakes shiny surface. Harry stared into the shiny surface seeing the reflection of the sun, and his surroundings, and found it was all so breath taking.  
Neither one of the two had slept at all through the night. They stayed awake and sat and talked about everything that was going on. About Harry's issues mostly. They also talked about Ron, about what happened, and why. From there they just sat in silence as they watched the sun come up.  
Around six they realized they had better get to the Common Room before anyone woke up and realized they hadn't been there. So they slipped their shoes and robes back on and cleaned themselves up a bit to look suitable in case they ran into anyone.  
Harry seemed to be having a hard time with his tie, so Hermione took up the honor of readjusting it for him . He smiled at her as she took a hold of it in her hands.  
  
"Thanks, I don't think I'll ever get the hang of ties." he chuckled half mindedly, just watching her brown eyes focus on his tie.  
  
When she finished she patted his chest and looked at her work well done and smiled, "There we go. Perfect."  
  
Harry laughed and looked at his tie agreeing, she had done well. Better then he ever had. Looking down at her and rejoicing for a another small laugh, he stared into her big brown eyes and felt his chest tighten, and the butterflies in his stomach go mad. She stared back at him into his green eyes and smiled. He shook his head and awkwardly headed forwards towards the castle.  
  
After Harry got to his dormitory he took a long cold shower and gripped the wall as he felt the sting of the shampoo dig itself into his bloody lip, and the water bounce off his bruised eye, making it ache with terrible pain.  
He slowly exited the shower and looked in the mirror above the sink and stared at his reflection, not seeing how the boy in front of him looked anything like he did a year ago. Harry found so many changes in himself that took place that he hadn't wanted to see himself in the mirror anymore. He dragged a tired hand across his unshaven face, feeling the stubble there that was clearly visible. He looked like a mess.  
He left the bathroom with a towel around him, with a nicely shaven face and got dressed for class that would take place in about a half hour. He had his first class with Ron and Hermione. It was killing him of what may come. He didn't know if Ron would show up today, but Harry was hoping he would just so he would know he was okay.  
  
When Harry finally got to class after walking the halls for a little longer than he had expected. Accidentally running into Peeves, and having to talk with him, he got to class late. Professor McGonagal stood in front of class leaning back on her desk telling the class something. Harry walked in and she was abruptly cut off by everyone turning in their seats to turn and look at him. She looked up at Harry with disapproving eyes.  
  
"Harry! I was just explaining to the class how fighting isn't tolerable here." she said as she summoned him to the front of class.  
  
He felt his whole body ache as he willed himself physically to the front of class, not knowing any other way to get up there without collapsing under the tension. It was thin enough to cut but heavy enough to kill a man.  
When he got to the front of class he faced the Professor with his swollen face and she shook her head, making a disapproving sound in the back of her throat.  
  
"Let me take care of your wounds Mr. Potter, or you won't be able to keep a good mind on task today." she said as she pointed her wand at Harry.  
  
Harry leaped back and shook his head. She looked at him and cocked her head to the side. As she opened her mouth to speak, Harry said softly so no one else would here, "Let me live with the pain of my mistakes, Professor."  
  
She looked at him with an unbelievable look on her face and nodded, pointing him towards his seat in the back. Completely opposite to the one in the front that was occupied by Ron. Through out the rest of class, The professor looked at Harry with a smile playing on her lips as he diligently worked on his assignments.  
  
As Harry walked down the Grand Staircase someone called out after him. Harry turned around to see Ron running down the staircase towards him. He smiled slightly but then wiped it away quickly, not knowing whether Ron was angry or not. Which he had every right to be.  
  
"Why did you not let McGonagal heal you Harry?" Ron asked as he reached Harry. His face looked just as it did before they got into the fight.  
  
Harry smiled slightly, "Because I deserve these." he said pointing at his lip and eye.  
  
"Oh don't be ridiculous Harry. Sometimes you act so much like a muggle it scares me." he scowled at Harry.  
  
Harry smiled a little, and looked back at Ron. Ron smiled back, and laughed.  
  
"Let's just forget about this whole dumb thing huh?" Ron said as he leaned against the banister of the staircase.  
  
"Yeah, lets." Harry agreed as he vigorously nodded his head. Ron laughed.  
  
"You know. You hit pretty hard mate. Not as hard as me of course." Ron admitted with a gloating look on his face.  
  
"God, you are so hard up." Harry groaned as he made his way down the staircase with Ron. Glad they were friends again. It showed something, that if they could be friends after something so terrible, loyalty.  
  
As they walked towards the great hall for lunch later on that day, Harry felt a pair of eyes boring into him. He turned to find Hermione standing in a small group of girls looking at him with a smile on her face. He stared back at her as he and Ron made their way to the Great Hall. Her hair was gleaming in the light, and her brown eyes sparkled like diamonds. The sight before him was authentic, genuine, and breath taking. Because of the night they had just been through together, Hermione would always be an angel in his eyes. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
"ARG!!!!" Harry groaned as he fell to the floor, his head throbbing.  
  
"Mr. Potter you need to close your mind, rid yourself of emotion!" Dumbledore said as he walked over to Harry and lent him a hand.  
  
Harry took it reluctantly and got to his feet, his knees feeling wobbly, and un easy. He sat in a chair closest to him in the Headmasters office and rested his head in his hands.  
  
"I'm sorry," Harry apologized as his shoulders weighed down with defeat. "This is really hard."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head as a small grin played on his face. Taking a seat next to Harry he placed his cane at the side and folded his hands neatly in his lap.  
  
"It's not that your not trying hard enough. Those wounds you have, you so stubbornly wish to keep are getting in the way. Head wounds aren't very easy to deal with when your training for Occlumency." he explained to Harry. He congered Harry's back pack and handed it to him. "That's enough for tonight Harry, just go to bed and get some rest. Don't forget to clear your mind before though."  
  
Harry nodded and greeted goodnight to Professor Dumbledore and made his way to the dormitories. His head was throbbing as if he had been hit by a garbage truck. Not to mention his black eye wasn't doing any better. It was aching more than his head. It seemed to have its own painful throb of a heart beat.  
After stepping through the portrait hole he made his way into the dark common room with a dimly lit fireplace. It was well after midnight, and Harry was exhausted. He dropped his backpack on the ground and took a seat by the fire.  
  
In the great hall the morning after Harry's head still throbbed from the lesson the night before. He couldn't even find enough strength to eat his breakfast before him. He only held his head in his hands.  
  
"Harry, you should really let the school nurse heal your wounds, you'll do much better." Ron suggested to Harry as he continued to stuff eggs in his face. Making it hard to make anything out of what he was saying.  
  
Hermione watched Harry with some compassion lurking in her eyes. Harry looked up and gratefully smiled at her for her ultimate understanding of his situation. She smiled back slightly as he had to her, looking down at her plate shyly. Ron looked between the two as his cheeks flared with egg stuffing with a curious and jealous look. Harry looked to Ron and gulped hard returning his eyes to the still full plate of breakfast before him.  
Ron looked towards Hermione as she returned her eyes to her working fork. She looked up at Ron and smiled a pearly white smile. He smiled at her slightly, and his lips glided back into a frown as she looked away.  
  
Finally the owls started to soar through the window and ceiling, dropping off envelopes and packages from the children's friends and family. A large package fell in front of Luna Lovegod who wasn't paying attention as she read her issue of the Quibbler. Another girl grabbed the package and ripped the envelope from the top. She read it aloud.  
  
"These are for you Luna. You asked me to send them to you. I just hope you know how great of a time I had showing you around here in America. With lots of love XOXO, ... Rory." the girl started to laugh as Luna's eyes went wide and she tore the package and the letter from the girls grip, her cheeks turning a crimson red.  
  
"Who's Rory?" the girl asked as she giggled.  
  
"A friend!" she said angrily and raced out of the great hall clutching the package to her side, almost knocking Hagrid in his bum on her way out.  
  
Ron shrugged his shoulders along with Harry as Hermione giggled excitedly. She was chewing her nails as the girl had been reading Luna's letter, like it was suspenseful. When to Harry it just sounded like a bunch of crap. All the other girls at the gryffindor table tuned in as the scene had unwrapped itself before them, holding onto the table with a fierce grip as they made faces that one would make when seeing a new born child.  
  
"Awe that's so sweet of the boy. Girls love to be cherished like that." Hermione said dreamily as she looked out into the distance of the Great Hall.  
  
Ron's head shot up as if he had just realized a fantastic idea. He grabbed his napkin and wiped his face of all the egg residue. He smiled and grabbed his bag and hurried out of the Great hall. Neither Harry or Hermione saw him until later that day in the Common room.  
  
"Where did you speed off to during breakfast?" Harry asked as he packed his school bag up for the following day. Thankfully the next day would be Friday, and he'd have two days off for the weekend to do absolutely nothing.  
  
"Oh, nowhere. I just had to go to the owelry to write my mum, and brother." he answered as he slumped down on the couch in front of Hermione who was laying on the rug reading Dean Koonz Strangers. Not even noticing that Ron had walked in..  
  
Harry gave him a look of suspicion and wonder as he watched Ron staring down at Hermione, with fancy dancing in his eyes. Neville plopped down next to Ron knocking him out of his dream state and Hermione away from her book to gawk at the jelly that was all over his front. Neville's eyes were droopy and his hair was sleek with sweat. Ron scooted away not wanting the jelly to get on his own robes. Harry started to laugh and tried to hold back but ended up failing miserably.  
  
"What in bloody Hell happened to you?" Ron asked as a smile played on his lips.  
  
Neville shook his head like a dog and blinked hard a couple of times, looking down at himself sadly. "I hate first years. They know more mischievous magic than me."  
  
"Neville. Everyone know more magic than you." Hermione said as she returning her gaze back to her book. Neville glared at her, then rested his head against the back of the couch.  
  
"I hate you for giving up Prefect Ron. If it weren't for you I'd be in my safe bed right now. Instead of being chased around by first years like a chicken with its head cut off."  
  
Ron laughed at Neville's comment and patted him on the shoulder, " Now why would I take away the first years piñata, that's just wrong."  
  
Neville glared at him with rage as she started to roar, flying to his feet, and chased a laughing Ron around the common room up to the dormitories where you heard the wisp of wands and the screams of Neville as he came charging down the stairs with a group of first years trailing him behind zapping him in the butt.  
Harry laughed as he watching Neville leaping around the common room like a frog and turned to look at Hermione who was completely mesmerized by her Novel. Almost instinctively she looked up when Harry looked at her, and caught his eye. They stared at each other for a little bit before Hermione smiled at him and he shyly smiled back. Then they both seemed to feel a heat on both their heads and both turned behind them to find Ron standing at the portrait staring at the two, with jealousy raging in his eyes at Harry.  
  
The Great Hall was rather excited and lively the next morning since it was Friday. Harry was even Happier than usual. Even though his head was throbbing terribly he held a smile on his face and gulped down his breakfast. The owls came swooping down halfway threw Harry's eggs and the daily prophet fell onto his plate by Hedwig. He smiled and unrolled in, and that's when his smile faded.  
  
"What is it Harry?" Semus asked as he had watched Harry's quickly changed expression.  
  
"There's been four more killings in America since last Friday. This time its been surprise attacks on Aurors. The ministry here in Britain thinks he's trying to hit America because its weaker than the ministry here." Harry explained as he dropped his fork and read on, "Some Aurors from here are going to be shipped over by the ministry to protect America."  
  
"But then what about us? I mean his main target is here in Britain," Hermione added as she leaned in towards the center of the table, listening closely.  
  
Ron piped in, "Yeah like Hermione said. What if its all just some kind of diversion for the ministry here to let go of some of its best men only to get attacked by Voldemorts Army head on?"  
  
Harry only shook his head as he looked down at the paper in disbelief. How could the Ministry make such a critical decision? They could lose everything.  
  
"Well it doesn't really matter, the ministry is recruiting an army here in Britain to fight Voldemorts the same as he is doing in America." Luna stated as she hid behind her Quibbler with headphones dangling around her neck( the present from Rory in America).  
  
"Their recruiting? How come its not in the Prophet?" Harry wondered allowed.  
  
"Why? Its all over the walls of the shops in Hogsmeade, there's no need for Newspapers ads." Luna shrieked as she continued to stare aimlessly at the Quibbler.  
  
Harry looked down at the paper and bit his lip over his own naive thinking. He looked up at Ron and Hermione and met their gazes. They smiled at him slightly as they both saw the nervousness in his eyes digging away at his inside.  
  
"I'm going to go for a stroll before class, Ill see you two later." Harry told them as he was about to get up. Crookshanks, Hermione's fat cat jumped up onto his lap as started rub up against his chest and purr loudly. He smiled and picked her up setting her on the floor as he flung his back pack over his shoulder, taking one last look at Hermione. She smiled at him and watched him walk out of the Great Hall until she couldn't see him any longer.  
  
A clumsy owl came flying down towards the table at a terribly fast speed, landing right into Ron's plate of pancakes. Splashing the milk all over the table and all over Ron. Hermione leapt in shock as the bird crashed, rolling in doubles across the table. After it lifted itself back up it hopped over to a embarrassed Ron and dropped a wrinkled envelope. His red cheeks rose happily with his smile as he tore the letter open and began to read. Hermione leaned over to read to but he slowly leaned away so she couldn't see and shook his head.  
  
"Have you ever heard of Private Hermione?" he asked crazily, getting up from his seat and throwing his bag over his shoulders pointing at the clumsy owl. "You get to the owelry this time...don't make any pit stops with the local birds." he demanded as he walked out of the Great Hall not even saying goodbye to Hermione.  
  
She shrugged to herself and continued eating her toast and reading her book. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 Lost Angels  
  
"God Damn it!" Ron swore as he shut his 6th year potions book. He crossed his arms in front of him angrily and snarled at the black leather bound book.  
  
Harry and Hermione just stared at him from their ends of the table, almost expecting the exact thing to happen. They seemed to not even have a reaction for his behavior. That was probably because Ron was a git at all times.  
  
"I hate Potions. I don't understand a word of this rubbish! Why do I have to learn it anyways? I'm not going to be a stupid Auror." he said still in his tiny usual library tantrum.  
  
Hermione shook her head and grabbed her book of potions from beside her already in her 'done' pile, and scooted to Ron's Left and opened the book in front of him. He looked up at the ceiling unwilling to take in another word, until she grabbed his chin and pulled it down forcefully so his eyes were on the book.  
  
"Dear Lord Hermione the book is full of notes!" he said amazed, looking down at Hermione's hand writing scribbled all over the book, and the loose pieces of parchment he pulled out and examined.  
  
She smiled shyly and explained, "Well when I was in 5th grade, at a muggle school near home I wasn't the best student. I was like you, I couldn't comprehend any of the things that they were trying to teach. So I learned to write it all down in my own words, so that way I could understand it better." She started to blush, "That's why I know everything before class, because I read ahead and write it all down before class, because I sure wouldn't want to be another Harry for Professor Snape."  
  
Harry's eyes darted towards her with a fake glare and smiled quickly after not able to keep his grim face glued on. She smiled back at him. Harry wouldn't be able to deny he was just another puppet of Snape's play of entertainment for himself. Harry had excepted that fact long ago.  
  
An owl swooped down into the library from an open window, and slowly soared down to the three's table, landing gracefully before Hermione. Her eyes went wide with awe and she gasped at the owls beauty. It was fiery red, almost as if its feathers were literally on fire, with bright blue eyes that pierced hers. It lifted its leg which was an envelope, somewhat similar to a howler, but a lighter red. Harry saw as her eyes went wide when she saw the reddish envelope. She looked at Harry before reaching for the envelope.  
  
"I wonder where this came from. And this is such a beautiful owl." she smiled as she pet the gracious owl on the head. It hooted in return bobbing its head up and down to reach the deeper comforts of her hand.  
  
Hermione opened the letter and pulled out a shiny, glossy like piece of paper and unfolded it. She read it to herself and her eyes went wide, while her cheeks burned scarlet red. She smiled unknowingly, and covered her mouth.  
  
"What is it?" Harry asked wondering himself. She shook her head and pulled the letter tightly to her chest.  
  
"C'mon Hermione! Don't just sit there and giggle all day long spit it out will you?" Ron said as he watched Hermione seemed to set herself in a dream state. She opened her eyes and took a deep intake of air.  
  
"I don't know." she said dreamily, "It's a love letter. And its gorgeous!" she squealed and grabbed her bag and books scurrying out of the library. She ran into Lavender on the way out and they both read the letter together as Hermione held one side as Lavender held the other side. Lavender gasped with excitement and hopped over to Hermione and gave her a fierce hug while they both continued to bounce. She smiled genuinely and ran out of the library screaming with every girl she came in contact with.  
  
Harry looked towards Ron sadly for a minute, knowing everything he wasn't telling him. He looked down at his book feeling like his heart had taken two to the chest. Ron stared after Hermione with a smile creeping up onto his face, and he quickly grabbed his things and exited without saying a word to Harry. Harry look down at his Potions book and closed his eyes tightly as if trying to wake from a nightmare. He threw himself into his work for the rest of the night not even thinking about what he'd planned to do for his weekend.  
  
Later that night he went back to the common room feeling his legs wobble a bit from sitting down for so long. He dragged his tired body behind him and pretty much pulled his own leg through the portrait hole with his arms. He dragged his back pack behind him on the floor and he came to the common room door way and felt like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks.  
  
He saw Hermione and Ron standing at the center of the common room talking shyly. He quickly hid behind the wall beside the doorway to listen to their quiet conversation.  
  
"So you er sent me this letter?" Hermione asked as she held up the letter. Ro nodded with an odd smirk on his face. She bit her lip and smiled.  
  
"Crazy huh?" he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.  
  
"No, not crazy. It was incredibly beautiful Ron." she giggled. She took a step forward and bit her bottom lip softly as she brought her face to her cheek and kissed it. He smiled a huge 200 watt smile and beamed down at her. She shyly looked away as he brought his hand dreamily to his cheek and touched the place where she had kissed him.  
  
"It tingles." he joked as he dropped his hand from his face and looked down at the carpet and dug his feet into it making odd shapes and drawing with the tip of his shoe.  
  
Hermione's expression changed as she stared at Ron. It was blank, yet emotions were stirring like crazy beneath her skin violently. She took a step towards Ron and looked up into his eyes. His smile faded as he took a step towards her and looked deep in her eyes as he brought his hand up to cup her face. He dropped his head slowly to hers as she raised her head. Their lips met and Hermione rested her hands on his chest and he cupped her face in his hands.  
  
Harry's chest clenched with pain as he stared at the two kissing in the middle of the dormitory. Yet he couldn't bring himself to move to bring them apart. He felt like his feet were frozen in place though all he wanted to do was charge to a place where no one could see him, or hurt him. Finally he found the strength in his legs and he swung his back pack over his shoulder and walked into the room, his footsteps bringing Hermione and Ron away from their kissing.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione squeaked as she saw Harry walking passed them. He didn't say a word to either one of them and continued walking towards the dormitories until Hermione raced up behind him and grabbed his wrist. " Harry?"  
  
He softly took a hold of her wrist and pulled it off and smiled gently at her, "I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
She sadly looked at him and reluctantly smiled. Her head bent down as she stared at the floor. Harry looked at Ron and smiled nodding his head. He made his way up into the dormitory where he crawled into bed with his clothes on and felt his chest burning with fury. When Ron walked in later he tried to talk to Harry, but Harry continued to pretend to sleep until Ron gave up and went to bed.  
Later that night Harry got up from bed and dressed himself in his black jeans and his black sweat shirt. He went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror knowing he wouldn't get any sleep that night and fixed himself up. Cleaning up his hair and shaving his face before walking out of the dormitory to sit in the common room. Where he would spend the rest of his time until morning came. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Quidditch  
  
It had been a week since Quidditch practices started and Harry was terribly out of shape. Because of his unhealthy decisions over the summer, his body had lost any muscle mass it used to have. He was lanky and week now, not to mention his eye sight was suffering from lack of sleep. But Harry had been suffering from that for more than just a summer.  
Since Cedric died in his 4th year during the tournament, Harry's nightmares were a constant roller coaster ride. The kind that made your stomach fall out and you body feel like it was turned inside out. He saw Cedric, Cho, Hermione, Ron, Neville, and Ginny in all his nightmares. All drowning in a pool of red ooze, the same color as blood. They all cried out to him but he stood frozen in the place of Voldemorts shadow looking upon them with a smile on his face, and gleaming red eyes.  
But Alicia( Team Captain second year in a row) had fixed Harry's problem hopefully with work out plans before he went to bed and after he awoke in the morning. They also set up a schedule where Harry would attend classes in Hogsmeade for defense. Alicia set it tones the body, while Hermione and Ron both said it would be a good Idea anyways for other obvious reasons.  
  
While sitting in the great hall for their last meal of the day Harry told everyone about his classes in Hogsmeade, not being able to believe he was being sent to take self defense classes.  
  
"You mean they actually give muggle classes like those in Hogsmeade?" Luna asked as she dug her fork into her pork chops.  
  
"Well in case you didn't know," Hermione added, "Self Defense is a major advance in magic, whether its not highly thought of."  
  
Ron stared at Hermione with admiration while she spoke so confidently. His eyes roamed all over her face until he seemed to have found his gaze lost in Hermione's lips. He bent his head down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.  
Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped his face with the orange clothe. He stood abruptly from the bench and quickly exited the Great Hall. Ron stood to go after him but Hermione rested her hand on his shoulder and stood herself, briefly kissing him on the lips before she went after Harry.  
  
Harry on the other hand had already reached the Gryffindor common room. He shoved the door to the boys dormitories open and slowly made his way up to his dorm room, where he removed his robes and sat on his bed, resting his head in his hands. Taking off his glasses he rubbed his eyes roughly feeling the lost hours of sleep come back to haunt him.  
Just as he was unbuttoning his shirt to go to bed, he remembered he'd left his bag in the common room. He groaned as he reluctantly buttoned his shirt back up. After un tucking it he walked out the dorm and made his way to the Common Room. Once he got there he looked for his bag but found it no where. Scratching his head confused he spun around in search for it. Remembering vaguely that he had left it right beside the chair.  
  
"Looking for something?" a voice summoned from in the shadows of the darkening common room.  
  
Harry spun around and squinted to see the person lurking in the shadows. Hermione came out from behind the darkness of the room, holding his brown bag in hand. She smiled softly towards him as he walked up to her and grabbed his bag from her.  
  
"Thanks." he spoke quickly. He turned his back and started to walk back to the boy's dorms when Hermione called out to him.  
  
He turned around and smiled forcefully. "Yes Hermione?"  
  
"Are you okay with Ron and I?" she asked as she pulled at her fingers uncomfortably taking steps closer to Harry.  
  
"Yeah, of course I am." he lied.  
  
"Well I get the distinct feeling that your not." Hermione stated. She looked up at Harry and bit her lip, looking in his eyes desperately.  
  
"Trust me . I'm fine Hermione. You make a great couple. Really. I mean," he paused, "I knew it all along. Ron's fancied you since first year."  
  
Hermione's eyes sparkled, "Did he really?" she asked in a hushed tone.  
  
"Sure did, talked about you constantly." he forced out feeling his chest break from the force he was putting upong himself to speak those words.  
  
"Oh." smiled. Covering her face she laughed aloud, "I never knew."  
  
"Well that was his intensions. I have to go to bed though, So I'll speak with you and Ron in the morning. We'll have to do something tomorrow after my classes in Hogsmeade together." he said quickly as he jogged to his dorm.  
  
Hermione stood behind waving goodnight to him. She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, as she fell back onto the large sofa and giggled wildly with the new information she had been fed with by Harry.  
  
Harry on the other hand was limp against the wall beside his bed looking at the heater in the center of the room, hating how he was feeling, and hating that he felt guilty for feeling it. He hated, truly hated being a teenager.  
He finally decided as he heard everyone filing in through the common room door to get some rest before his class in Hogsmeade. He pulled of his uniform and pulled on a pair of cotton draw string pajama bottoms and sat down on the bed. He closed his eyes and wiped it clean of Hermione, Ron, and all his other problems. He stared directly at the stone floor of the dormitory and simply stared, thinking nothing. He just felt the chill of the cold stone palls against his bare side and face, and listened to the laughter of the Gryffindor students roaming about the tower, and went to bed.  
  
The next morning he woke up along with the rest of the students and dressed quickly in a pair of blue jean, plain gray t-shirt with a black v- neck sweater pulled over for warmth during his carriage ride to Hogsmeade.  
Ron was tying his shoes while sitting on top of his trunk as Harry scurried to his trunk beside him and pulled out a pari of black sweats and threw them in a gym bag. Ron stared at him while he finally finished tying his hoe.  
  
"So are you nervous about this class?" Ron asked as he walked over to Harry's un made bed and sat on it. Watching Harry run back and forth from his trunk to his duffle bag.  
  
"No not nervous." Harry shook his head as he smiled, "I'm not nervous at all. I mean I did give you a nice bump on the head didn't I?"  
  
Ron chuckled, "Yeah you sure did." He rubbed his head at the exact place where he'd hit his head on the rock remembering the pain he felt when he woke up the morning after. "But I think the big rock in the ground did most of the work for you."  
  
Harry grinned slightly as he zipped up his bag and swung it over his shoulder.  
  
"You sure you don't want Hermione and I to come with you?" Ron asked.  
  
Harry shook his head for a second time, "No, no. I know me, and you two would just be a huge lovey dovey distraction."  
  
Ron looked up at him with his mouth ajar, and laughter in his eyes. He laughed slightly without knowing and stood from Harry's bedside walking to the center of the room grabbing his robe.  
  
"Ill meet you at the carriages. Hermione and I would like you to join us." Ron said as he began to walk towards to dorm room door.  
  
Harry nodded slightly with a slight smile on his face that slowly faded when Ron left the dorm room. Harry felt his stomach fall onto the stone cold floor beneath him and his chest tighten in pain. It was a weak thud in his chest, but it was just enough to keep him from breathing.  
  
Once Harry had gotten to the front of the school Hermione and Ron were already sitting in their carriage, touching each others faces and whispering in each others ears. Harry grimaced at the sight, no longer feeling terrible, but sick to his stomach. Luna Lovegod who had seen him from her carriage, leapt down and jogged over to him. She smiled at him and shoved her cd player in his hands.  
  
"I think that you'll be needing this more than I will for this carriage ride." she said sadly as she let go of the Cd player that laid in his hands now. He smiled at her thankfully as she walked away backwards mouthing good luck.  
Harry didn't need any luck. He just needed a barf bag. 


	12. Fallen Behind

Chapter 12  
  
The class was intense, that was for sure. Harry had felt like he'd walked in on a cult. Everyone was standing kicking and punching at each other. After getting his first glimpse of self-defense Harry second thought even making himself known. Instead, walking out the front door and pretending he never made it in time. But he was recognized by one of the trainers. Her name was Madame Pookel. She was a tall muscular woman that seemed to contain more male traits than of female. Her hair was gray from the top of her head down to the ends.  
While she taught him the basics of everything he felt very uncomfortable in the spacious gym like room. Except this gym was made out of cold brick, making the environment like the ones from a really bad movie. She smiled at him a lot, staring at his scar half the time. He hated it when people stared at his scar, it seemed it was the only thing he's known for still. As she showed him the foot movement she kept leaning forward and looking at his scar with an amazed face, completely fascinated by it.  
  
Finally Harry had become so irritated he asked, "Could you please stop examining me?!" Rather demandingly.  
  
She looked at him and smiled, "I'm sorry."  
  
He felt a little bad after snapping at his instructor, but decided that she shouldn't have been putting him in a situation like that in the first place. She continued to the show him the basic moves and then set him up with another person supposedly his size, to try his new discovered techniques out. Unfortunately it didn't go over all to well.  
His partner was twice his size, with twice the muscle mass. He looked completely harmless when they were introduced with his dazzling smile playing on his face. Harry thought he was completely safe.  
As Harry tried to use the defense move that Madam Pookel showed him, the mans face changed completely, suddenly he looked enraged and crazy as his face twisted and Harry felt his feet lifting off the ground. Not remembering how exactly he got there. Harry opened his eyes a moment later and found himself lying on the brick floor with the back of his head pounding.  
  
"Oh!" He wheezed as he held the back of his head.  
  
"C'mon now! Get up! No time to be wasting lying on the floor." Madame Pookel shouted from across the room.  
  
Harry looked up at her with a dazed face. "Madame! I hit my head!"  
  
"Yeah? Do you think the person your fighting is going to stop coming after you, JUST because you hit your poor head? No! So be a big boy. Get up. And suck it up!" Madame yelled back at him.  
  
He watched her for a minute not believing what he was hearing. But soon after Madame gave him a few more threatening looks from the other side of the room, he slowly stood to his feet to face his partner again, this time feeling much more terrified than he had when he got himself into this mess.  
After hitting the hard floor several times after the his first encounter. His partner was actually a very nice man, he just happened to be really big and really frightening when counter attacking. Or attacking in any manner what so ever, did Harry find him terrifying.  
  
Once Harry had returned to school he was steaming with anger. Hermione nor Ron had showed up at the Three Broomsticks like they had planned to do, and they didn't show up to get in a carriage with him. So there he was sitting lonely in a empty carriage all by himself with nothing to do by stare ahead of him hoping for the school to come in view soon. He leapt from the carriage feeling every muscle in his body ache, but not nearly as much as the back of his head, which not only had been pounding from his extra Lessons with Occlumency, but now because he got his head hammered by the floor because of a huge giant attacking him time after time again. Later that day he decided against doing anything in the Common Room, and really didn't want to sit around waiting for Hermione and Ron to show. So he grabbed a jacket and strolled down to Hagrids hut. Hagrid greeted him with a jolly laugh and rubbed his hand over his belly as he always did. They walked through the edge of the woods and talked about everything especially Hagrids brother.  
  
"Dumbledore say me brother dun belong here at Hogwarts. Say's he should go back to the mountains." Hagrid blurted out, afterwards quickly wiping his nose.  
  
Harry stopped in his footsteps and turned to him, "That's awful Hagrid. How could Dumbledore send him back to a place where the chief wanted him killed?"  
  
"Ah Harry. it's something people like you and I will never understand, I guess. Dumbledore says that being here will only kill my brother because he's so lonesome out in these woods. Hasn't got any giants to be around." Hagrid explained as he nose began to stuff up a bit.  
Harry looked down at his feet and continued side by side with Hagrid. He looked around the forest, watching the leaves fall heavily like a winter storm, though deep in the heart of woods, the trees seemed to be as green and fresh as they were in the spring.  
  
"Hagrid? How come the leaves on the tree's aren't aging?" Harry asked curiously as he pointed to the woods core.  
  
Hagrid chuckled, "You should know by now Harry. These woods are filled with un told magic. Its not the kind you can learn and teach. It's magic not even the centaurs can teach you. It's the magic of life. And life never tell' s its secrets."  
  
"Never thought you were so poetic, Hagrid." Harry said sarcastically shaking his head.  
  
Later on that day before night over came the grounds, Harry headed back to the Gryffindor tower, feeling sleep struggling to take over his body with each step his foot made. He passed Peeves more than once on his way, ducking ink bottles and furnishing. Cussing at Peeves with every intention to hit him in the head, he dove into the portrait hole hearing Peeves laughs behind him.  
The common room was dark and empty except for two figures in the center of it bickering loudly at each other. One voice was strained and shaking, the other had a tone of defense. Harry stood in the frame of the doorway watching as the match came to it's peak.  
"But your with me! Why are you going around flirting with a bunch of girls while I'm just sitting there!" Hermione shrieked as her face burned even brighter with anger  
  
"I wasn't flirting! Bloody hell we were just talking!" Ron defended as he lifted his hands up in irritation, whipping them back down and rubbing his face.  
  
"Oh yeah! Rubbish! Like that Ravenclaw girl really asked you to compliment her on her well toned legs and her nice round bottom!" she said as she spun around and started walking towards the girls dormitories.  
  
"You are one hell of a firecracker! You know that?" Ron shouted at her, while she walked up the stairs.  
  
"Oh Really!" she puffed and darted up the stairs to the girls dormitory, slamming the large oak door behind her, which was rather incredible since it was rather heavy for Harry to even open.  
  
Ron cursed at the floor and grabbed a box of Bernie Bots and chucked it into the fire . Pacing slowly back and forth rubbing his hands over his face again and again.  
  
"Rough mate, real rough." Harry spoke as he walked into the Common Room slowly.  
  
Ron turned towards him and chuckled a bit sadly and took a seat in the large tall backed chair and rested his face in his hands. He looked up as Harry took a seat across from him on the floor, resting his aching back on the chair. Suddenly Harry wasn't even thinking about how Hermione and Ron had left him at the Three Broomsticks all alone. Since they had probably been bickering the entire time.  
  
"What did I do?" Ron uttered miserably as he stared down at his feet, resting his chin in his hands, looking around the room distressed beyond any ones knowledge.  
  
"well, starting with number one, you probably shouldn't be flirting with another lady when your dating the one you fancy. And number two, because you did, you shouldn't have done it smack dap right in front of her." Harry guessed after shrugging his shoulders and looking into the fire.  
  
"I didn't mean to do any harm though," he stressed standing up on his feet. He walked towards the fire and shoved a hand in his pocket while rubbing his face with the other.  
  
Ron didn't turn towards Harry as his face turned grave and he spoke coldly, "Wish I could be as loyal as you mate."  
  
Harry looked up at Ron blankly, not understanding what he was saying, "What?"  
  
"Maybe I should have never sent her that letter!" Ron snapped as he turned towards Harry with the speed of lightening. "I saw the way you two were always looking at each other. I saw the smile on her face! It was the kind of smile I can't get her to do for me!"  
  
Harry stood to his feet, "Ron, she's with you! Not me!" he said to Ron desperately. "Don't mess this up!"  
  
"I already did." he said solemnly walking passed Harry making a complete stop at the center of the room and looked directly at him, and shook his head. "I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, how could I poor man Weasley actually be better than the famous Harry Potter?"  
  
"Ron, please. Stop talking like this. You don't understand." Harry begged as he watched Ron a approaching edge of a subject Harry did not want brought up. It was a subject he'd tried to bury deep inside himself. And he was so close.  
  
"I'm just a guy. Just another guy in her life. Until she gets the one person she truly wants. It's an inevitable force I could never defeat Harry." Ron sadly told Harry as he looked off in the direction Hermione had run off to.  
  
"She wants you Ron." Harry pleaded with him as he walked closer to Ron, "She kissed YOU right here. She chose YOU. Not me."  
  
"Do you love her?" Ron spat out as he turned his head towards Harry. Harry stopped in his foot steps and stared at Ron. Not knowing how to answer his question. "Because I do. And I swear if you hurt her I will hunt you down."  
  
"I don't want her Ron!" Harry shouted at his best friend who stood right in front of him now. "I don't want her in the mess that I'm in! She deserves better than me! She deserves you!"  
  
Ron looked at him in shock because of his outburst. He stood frozen without a single emotion sweeping across his face. But he could see Harry. He could see the agony that tore him apart, that pulled his stomach down to his feet, and the knife inside his heart that was digging at him day by day.  
  
"Why would you want to be with, someone when you might die tomorrow! Why would you want to put someone through that kind of pain! I want her to be happy Damn it!" Harry screamed and he ripped a table over on its side.  
  
Ron jumped as Harry flew over the edge of a sane man. He watched in horror as he saw his friend slipping into the deep end.  
"Now how about YOU treat her right. And YOU be good to her. Not ME. Never ME. I will be sure that the man that makes her happy. Will NEVER be ME." he sourly said his eyes weld up, and his body shook with fury. "I don't give a damn if its you she's with for the rest of her days or whether your just another guy in her life until she meets that guy who will make her day's shine so brightly. But damn it cherish what you have with her. Don't fill it with suspicion and angst. Take it and make the best of it. Do something I can never do. Make her happy." He paused for a minute and looked at his feet, "Because if you aren't lucky enough, and by god I do mean bloody lucky, to be with her and for her to be happy to be with you. You had better remember that girl, is more special, intelligent and genuine than any other girl out there. Don't mess up the time you have with her. Because it might not always be there."  
Ron stared him still trying to let his words soak into him. Harry looked down at his shoes and took in a deep breath. When it seemed like he was the only person left in the world he looked up and saw just about everyone from the Gruffindor tower standing up against the banister of the balcony looking down at him. His jaw hung low until he felt the embarrassment ride over and anger stroll in.  
  
"I hope you enjoyed the damn show." He snarled as he violently brushed passed Ron and exited through the portrait hole.  
  
Ron didn't watch him as he went he just looked up at the balcony and caught the eyes of Hermione who was dressed in her pajama's staring down at him sadly, until she turned and walked back into her dormitory. He looked down at his feet in defeat and went to the boys dormitory everyone staring at him, whispering.  
  
"What about Harry?" 


	13. Learning to Deal

Chapter 13  
Learning to Deal  
  
The night had blown over in a few day's. A few grueling day's of Harry having to listen to people whisper about him being in love with Hermione Granger over and over again. Though from what he could recall of the hazy night, nothing was said about being in love with her. Hermione had made up with Ron though, which was great. They were holding hands while walking around the school, and kissing each other like they had when they first started out as a couple. It seemed to Harry that Ron took his advice, and cherished every moment he had with Hermione. He wasn't flirting with other girls anymore, he only spoke with them in a respectful manner, like friend to friend. Harry even found himself smiling when seeing the two walking down the hall, smiling as they talked about something. A girl would confront Ron and say hello, and he would stand there and speak to her as she made conversation, while holding Hermione's hand in his and trying to bring her into the conversation. Which was irrelevant, since Hermione always seemed to have an opinion on everything, and made sure she was heard. While sitting in the courtyard on the stone bench going through his backpack, looking for the notes he had made in Snapes class before lunch, he saw Hermione walking passed with her books in hand looking straight ahead at the ground. Not thinking he could watch her walk passed him and not speak again he made his presence known.  
  
"Hermione." he said gently as he stood from the cold bench.  
  
She stopped with a quick halt and took a couple second to turn around to face him. He felt so awkward talking to her after the night in Gryffindor tower. everyone else in the house had assumed that Harry was in love with Hermione, he just hoped that she hadn't assumed the same. It would ruin there friendship. And he couldn't have that.  
  
He took a step closer to her and blurted out, "I'm not in love with you."  
  
Her eyes went wide and her books slipped from her arms. Realizing what he had said to long after, he cursed silently and helped her pick her books up. She slowly made her way down to pick them up as well, resting her knee on the cold cement.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." Harry apologized feeling the blood rise up his cheeks as he felt the embarrassment flood him.  
  
"No, don't apologize to me Harry. it actually clears a lot up for me." she said as she chuckled a little picking the last book up from the ground, rsting it underneath her arm with the others.  
  
Another book came into view, and she took it with her free hand, and looked up at Harry who was staring at her hand. She gulped nervously and gently eased the book from his hand, getting up on to her feet. He followed her, and sighed under his breath.  
  
"Well now that that's settled." Harry said with an uneasy tone, smiling before he turned his back and went to get his backpack.  
  
"What you said that night, umm, was it true?" she asked out of the blue.  
  
Harry turned to her and walked back over to her massaging a fist in his other hand, feeling his nerves twitch and cringe under the pressure he was feeling in the tank of him and Hermione.  
  
"Depends. What did I say?" He chuckled trying to act cool and not show his nervousness around her.  
  
She gulped loudly and looked around for people who could over hear. She only saw a couple Slytherin's walking passed. She looked at the ground and pulled her books tight to her chest.  
  
"umm," she mumbled as she seemed to be working up the courage to say what she was meaning to say, "That I was special, genuine, and intelligent."  
  
He laughed, as he flet relieved thanking god she wasn't asking about something more in depth than that. That was one question he could answer.  
  
"Of course you are. Anyone who has eyes and a brain could tell you that." he said as he chuckled slightly. He was so relieved that he felt like jumping up and down.  
  
"No.. I Was wondering if that's what you thought about me?" she asked as she smiled a little shyly.  
  
Harry's smile faded away as he looked to the ground. Suddenly his great feeling of relief plunged through the cod earth. He looked around at anything but Hermione.  
  
"Hermione, you shouldn't be asking me that." he said in a scared tone. He was scared, almost deathly afraid.  
  
"Why?" Hermione asked her face puzzled, and hurt at the same time.  
  
Harry ran a hand through his messy hair, messing it up and still would not look at Hermione though he knew her eyes were willing him to.  
  
"Because you have Ron. And you love him. It shouldn't matter. "he brushed it off with a cool grin. But inside of him he was shaking violent with fear.  
  
"You don't understand Harry." she said sadly as she looked down at her feet. "I need your opinion, its always mattered so much to me."  
  
"Why?" he said completely perplexed. Hermione never cared about anyone's opinion. It seemed like it was the last thing on her list of things that she indeed needed to know. If it was even on her list of things.  
  
"Because your perfect." she said in a hushed tone. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.  
  
Harry was honored by her compliment. He felt his heart lighten up a little as he heard those words spill from her mouth. Though he thought the idea was absurd. He laughed a little as he rubbed his chin.  
  
"Hermione. I'm flattered. But I'm not perfect. Not even close." he laughed as he gently squeezed her shoudler.  
  
She smiled bashfully and looked at where his hand lay. She rolled her eyes and laughed herself.  
  
"I feel so foolish!" she gasped as she brought her hand over her eyes. Harry thought it was so cute, how shyly she was acting. Mentally slapping himself for thinking it he removed his hand from her shoulder and grinned.  
  
"Don't be." he reassured her. She looked up at him and smiled genuinely. That smile was the smile that Harry had been talking about in the tower.  
  
She stared at him for a while and her smile began to falter. She took a step back away from him and blushed as she realized what she had been doing. He chuckled a little and grabbed her hand in his own. Her hand traveled with his limply as he raised it.  
  
"Ron's lucky he's got such a princess to hold everyday." he said sadly as he moved his thumb across her hand with a side to side motion.  
  
She smiled sadly and gently said in a small voice, yet strong and confident, "Don't worry Harry," Harry looked up into her eyes as she uttered his name, she stared back at him, her eyes comforting him, "You'll find your queen one day."  
  
He smiled at her gratefully. She seemed to be the only person who could change his outlook and make him feel better about things anymore.  
  
"Hermione!" Ron bellowed as he raced down the pathway towards them.  
  
As he got closer Harry moved close to Hermione and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. She closed her eyes unsuspectingly and felt his lips press against her skin, remembering ever move that they made. She was baffled by the way it kept her immobile in her spot. Her brought a hand against the side of her head and whispered something in her ear she wasn't expecting.  
  
"I love you Hermione." his silky handsome deep voice slipped into her ear. Making her limbs shutter, and her stomach turn uneasily.  
  
Before Ron had got to them, Harry left Hermione standing there, and took off in the other direction. She turned around to watch his retreating figure. He turned to look at her once more with a sad look. She turned back to Ron as he came to a halt a few feet away from her with a distressed look on his face. She looked straight at him with a reassuring look.  
  
Harry watched from around the corner as the two settled into each others arms for a tight hug and felt his stomach flip over as they leaned in for a long passionate kiss. She smiled up at him as they pulled away with her eyes shut while biting her lip. Harry smiled as he realized how in love she was with Ron. He only hoped the best for the two, that their relationship take the long hall out. He walked back into the castle realizing something he hadn't when he came to Hogwarts. That this place was the beginning of his life. And the end.  
  
Luna watched Harry from an empty class as he walked passed with his hands dug into their pockets, walking solemnly along the corridors with a grieved look on her face. She left the classroom and walked side by side with him without speaking a word. She just gave him a hand to hold on to. 


	14. The apple never falls far from the Tree

Chapter 14 The apple never falls far from the tree  
  
The Gryffindor Tower and the rest of the houses seemed very silent through out the winter. Especially when it came around Christmas vacation. Everyone seemed to be clearing out of the castle. Harry hated Christmas time. It was the time of year he was only reminded that he was completely alone in the world with no one to turn to.  
Ron had trouble packing his trunk so he could go visit his older brother Charley in Romania. Dean and him had gotten into a bitter fight earlier that day and Ron ended up saying a spell that made Deans hair stick up on end. Dean obviously angry through out the entire day snuck his way into Ron's Dormitory room and placed a jinx on Ron's trunk.  
The next day while Harry was walking back from the great hall after eating breakfast he saw Dean crouched against the door peaking in through the crack with a large grin playing on his face. Harry walked over and joined him. Ron was pulling pieces of clothing out from the drawers of the dresser beside his bed. He hummed as he waltzed over to his trunk and opened it. He sat on his legs as he bent down to the floor and placed his clothes beside him. And with the first shirt he went to place in the trunk, the top slammed down on his arms and snarled loudly and started hopping on its flat bottom surface.  
Ron began to scream loudly, like the deadening sheer scream of a terrified girl. His face was the most hilarious thing Harry had laid his eyes on. Him and Dean laughed softly at first but soon lost their control and began to get hysterical. Deans electric black hair swayed from side to side as he laughed, always ending up pointing straight up each time.  
  
"That was genius!" Harry complimented Dean as he proudly shook hands with him when they reached the common room floor. Hermione came rushing up to them with a worried look on her face.  
  
"Was that Ron I heard screaming?" she asked Harry. Harry nodded as a full blown laugh escaped his lips once more. Dean could hardly contain his own laughter as he bent over holding his stomach.  
  
"Oh! You should have seen it! The way his eyes popped out of that ball shaped head of his." Dean said as Hermione stared at him with venom in her eyes. Her hands lingering firmly on her hips disapprovingly.  
  
"Your _vile_ Dean!" she groaned as she rolled her eyes and walked up to the boys dormitory.  
  
"Oh come on Hermione! It's just innocent fun." Harry called out to her. But she continued o walk up the stairs to help Ron.  
  
"She's always been such a _boring_ plain person. Never lets a guy have some fun." Dean complained as he fell limply onto the sofa.  
  
Harry sat next to him and nodded his head, realizing how up tight Hermione always was. She always confused fun with wrong doing and intentionally hurting someone when its all just fun. Not to mention she was treating Ron as if she were his mother lately, waiting for his every call and doing anything and everything he asked. She wasn't the same Hermione, she seemed so indulged with Ron that even Ron was avoiding her. Which was rather ironic since Ron was the one that was so hopelessly in love with Hermione in the first place.  
  
"So Harry are you going to continue with those classes in Hogsmeade over Christmas break?" Alicia asked as she pulled her trunk behind her towards the train. Hagrid grabbed it from her and set it inside as she tried to raise it up to him. She turned back to Harry and looked at him from head to toe, "It's really helping your physique. Seems to me that you've gained a lot of that muscle you lost over the summer."  
  
"Yeah of course." Harry replied, rather happily. He was actually beginning to like the defense classes since he started to get the hang of it. He wasn't terrified of his partner anymore either, which was a definite giant leap.  
  
"Well then, good luck and have a nice Christmas Harry. See you in January." Alicia said in farewell as she boarded the train.  
  
Harry saluted her playfully and walked to the other end of the train. Ron and Hermione were bickering over something as Ron tugged at his luggage and Hermione tugged back.  
  
"Let me take care of it Ron! Your arms hurt to much." she begged angrily as she tugged his luggage in her direction.  
  
"**_LAY OFF HERMIONE!!_** I'm a big boy!" he snapped at her. She snarled and shoved it towards him and boarded the train with a huff.  
  
Harry walked towards Ron as he saw him being to fall backwards from the weight of his luggage. He grabbed the other side and pulled it back up to its upright position, and beckoned Hagrid over. Ron sighed and wiped the swaet of his forehead.  
  
"Bloody hell, I never knew having a girl friend would be such a handful ." Ron complained sadly as he stepped onto the train.  
  
"Yeah well, your with Hermione, so that means you have two handfuls, not just one." Harry chuckled slightly as he watched Hermione pass by on the train hall and glare at him evilly.  
  
"Ah yeah right. have a nice Christmas mate." he told Harry as the train horn tooted loudly.  
  
Harry smiled at him and shook his hand firmly in his own, "I wish the same for you Ron. See you in January."  
  
Ron waved out the window with Hermione as the train took off with Luna in the window next to them. Hagrid stood at Harry's side and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder that just about weighed him down to the ground.  
  
"Let's get back to Hogwarts now Harry." he said as he turned them both down to the path where hagird's boat was.  
  
Harry sighed and realized how lonely his Christmas holiday was going to be. 


End file.
